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kidlea:

"why do you wear a lot of black?" because i’m ready for your funeral bitch

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"Call me at 4 am, and tell me it’s because you want to hear my voice."

- (via hefuckin)

(Source: lushpussyhighheels)

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lizziemcganja:

friend: i’m getting mcdonalds you want anything?

me: i don’t have money

friend: it’s all good, i’ll pay

me:

image

image

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dopamine-addiction:

beatlesboobsandbulges:

My dad just said: at your age you’ll probably wanna try a lot of things. Boys, girls, being a girl, being a boy, being punk or goth or spunky. And im okay with that. As long as you don’t come home and tell me youre a republican

Parenting done right

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egberts:

bikinipowerbottom:

Guy on the right is like “Girl bye”

guy on the left like “girl hi”
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floweranger:

do you ever see your face from a different angle and have a mental breakdown

(Source: flewor)

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dinofarts:

an-egg:

yeah I speak Chinese

凵𠂆 𠂎丹丫

well fuck I’m chinese and I stared at this for about ten minutes before I got it

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stevenfresco:

i only go on the internet like once a day for approx 24 hours

(Source: selmezs)

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fakedick:

Hey, if you accidentally call a guy “daddy” in conversation, just save yourself by adding “-o” to the end and slick your hair back like a 1950’s greaser. And throw on your sick-ass leather jacket

Your thirst is hidden and now you’re the coolest dude in school

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The Best Thing That EVER happened at my job

  • Me: Did you find everything ok today Sir?
  • Male Customer: Yeah everything was fine, but prices on the cat food just keep going up! I remember when it was only .30 a can! But I bet you don't, you're like what...20?
  • Me: 21, but yes.
  • Male Customer: God you're young, I bet you'd never go out with someone my age, unless you have some Daddy issues
  • Me: ...........
  • Male Customer: so do you like working here? Are you in school?
  • Me: Your total today is 21.38 Sir.
  • Male Customer: Are you seeing anyone?
  • Me: ......Cash or Credit Sir?
  • Male Customer: When do you get off work?
  • Male co-worker comes up next to me: Everything ok?
  • Male Customer: Yeah we're fine
  • Male Co-worker: Actually I think you're being really rude
  • Male Customer: What are you her boyfriend?
  • Male co-worker: No I'm not. And even if I was, why would it matter? Her job is to ring up your items, make sure your shopping experience was pleasant and give you change. You're making really creepy comments to a young woman you don't even know at a cash register, it's not ok.
  • Male Customer: You can't talk to me that way! I want to speak to your manager.
  • Me: It's really ok, everything is Ok
  • Male Co-worker: No no, I'll go ahead and call our FEMALE boss up here to address any grievances you might have *Sir*
  • Male Customer: slams down 25 dollars grabs his bags and leave*
  • Male Co-worker: You don't even have to take anyone's shit here. If anyone even looks at you funny, pick up that phone, call a manager, call me, call another co-worker and it will be handled. You are a valued employee and you deserve to feel safe and respected at work by *everyone*
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